My first OP, fail.

G'day all,

I was starting to hit an invisible brick wall lately. I'd log into EVE and not really know what to do. Many corpies are out killing WT's (war targets) and I'm doing L1 missions for isk. Some of those missions are hard that involve Angel Cartel and Blood Raiders (or something similar). I suspect it's because I'm using my dodgy Comorant destroyer and it probably isn't fitted out well at all.

I've got my alt character just learning skills atm. I haven't subscribed the account just yet. To be honest, I'm not sure if i'll be playing EVE much longer. I've been having thoughts doc, bad thoughts. I've been wanting to kill EVE, kill EVE and throw it in the boot of my car and drive it off a cliff. At least that would be an adrenaline rush, something that is missing for me with this game. These are tears of boredom, and I'm not even mining!

There was an op ( "operation" -corpies meet up and do something. ie: escort a ship, roam for enemies etc) last night and I thought it'd be cool to join a fleet for the first time. So I jump into TS, get an invite to the fleet and sit at the meet up spot in my Ibis. An Ibis is a small, cheap ship that you can't do much with. It's Caldari specific and we get them if you dock at a station in your pod. Basically, it's a free n00b ship.

So anyway, I'm there in my Ibis, which I was told to take by a corpie. We are told to call out our squad number in chat and post what ship you have. Firstly, I dunno how to tell what squad I'm in. So I wait for several people to call out their squad and I said I didn't know. The fleet comander says on teamspeak "Don't worry, I know where you are. Just type your ship up in chat". So I typed out Ibis. I'm sure everyone was saying.. "LOL WTF!!?" but only one bloke actually said "Are you serious?".. Well, I'm only doing what I was told right?

So the fleet commander says I can go and get something bigger. My Merlin is 38 jumps away and my only other ship is my Comorant destroyer which I'm using for missions. I can't afford to lose it as I have fuck all ISK, so I'm kinda in limbo here. Meanwhile, there's some English blokes talking on teamspeak, which I'm having a really hard time understanding one of their accents and the terminology being used. In fear of missing out on hearing an instruction, I'm listening intently to everything and kind of stalling. Another guy is trying to get me to dock and trade with him so he can give me a Caracal cruiser (which I was trying to save up for) and of course, that freaked me out because I didn't want to lose it, or owe anyone anything.

We were also asked, "does everyone have a bookmark?" .. *coughs* .. a what? o.0

It all came to a head for me. It's hard to explain, but there was far too much going on for my EVE ignorant mind to comprehend. I declined the trade, un-docked and asked in fleet chat to leave the op. I had thoughts of just leaving, but I thought I'd do the right thing. So with the go ahead, I left. (I would have left anyway, even If they said No.. lol who am I kidding?)

My first op was a failure.Not only that, but I felt like a dickhead. Of course, I couldn't be persuaded to join back up.. /sigh.. the shame of it all. It was just too much all at once. I need to swim out to the deep end with this game, not be dropped into the ocean, naked, with my legs dipped in pigs blood.

-Sile